My Parents Are Divorced - Chapter 7 - Dream On

Chapter Seven:   DREAM ON

   When Jesus began His ministry work, He preached, taught, and healed people.  In the course of His teaching, Jesus spent much time having discussions with people, and He made many statements about God.  When Jesus would gently explain that He was the Son of God, which was the equivalent of “Messiah,” some people did not believe Him, and they would argue with Him.  On one such occasion, Jesus stated He was God the Son, and explained how eternal life comes through Him.
   Jesus said in John 6:38; “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.”
   Then Jesus said a few sentences later in John 6:40; “For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.”
   After saying these statements, the people listening started to “grumble” about His claim that He came down from heaven.  Then they made a noteworthy statement.
   In John 6:42 they said, “Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know?  How can he now say, ‘I came down from heaven’?”

   The people thought they were quite knowledgeable.  We know who your parents are.  We know whose son you are.  We know where you come from.  We know.

   Jesus did come from heaven, and He is back there now.  In addition I assure you that neither you nor I came from heaven, yet heaven is the destiny God desires for all people.  The question is: what destiny do you desire?

   If you come from a divorced family, you may have felt at times that your future was stifled by the sad fact that you come from a broken family.  Even now you might feel as though people could scoff in your face, “We know what family you come from.  What hope is there for your dreams?”  Please know that such a sentiment is a lie.  Where you come from is not the determiner of your future.  Where you are headed is the determiner.

   Where you are headed is tied in with who you are.  On another occasion when Jesus was in a heated discussion with people, He was asked a question which echoes with irony to this day.  The blunt question asked of Jesus in John 8:53 was:  “Who do you think you are?”

   Jesus did tell them who He was.  But they did not believe.  If you believe in Jesus as your personal Savior and Lord, then you can be ready evermore for the question, “Who do you think you are?”  You can know you are a child of God!  And if you are a child of God, you are a person with a Father who wants incredible dreams to come true for you.  By wanting to live by His guidance, you are on a path of realizing dreams, because God wants to enable you to live out good dreams.

   For six years, I spent much time with my grandma.  She is my friend, and I most enjoy when she tells me about her life back in the thirties, forties, and fifties.  She has told of how much nicer the city life was back then.  She has also told sad stories about what happened to people over a half century ago due to sin.  As grandma talks about her youth and friends from her earlier years, she affirms that family problems and divorce in society are nothing new.  As the Old Testament shows, divorce was even taking place thousands of years ago.  Yet in this messed up world, the everlasting love of God is available.  A person in Christ's love has her or his part in His victory, which is everlasting joy and peace.

   So joy in Christ can be your future, and what is past in a divorced family can have closure.  You can realize closure with past occurrences while still recognizing that those bad incidences did happen.  Full closure takes place when you are no longer negatively affected in the present by what occurred in your family in the past.  In some divorced families, many things are left unsaid.  In my family, opposite from acknowledgments and apologies, the issue is avoided.  Rather than getting on a topic that is on a landfill of past problems, many families avoid the subject of the divorce.  It goes back to the withdraw reaction on a corporate basis.  In your family, the subject may be off limits.

   Tears have been shed on occasion as I have written this book.  Truly, it was after I started writing this book that I realized the need to forgive my parents for all wrongs that resulted in their separation and divorce, which I told about in the Introduction.  After talking to God for a long time there on the grass by the library, at a point when I was not saying anything, a university bell close to me tolled.  I knew God had enabled me to forgive them.

   You can forgive your parents and have closure concerning their divorce.  You can be anywhere and talk with God about the situation.  Another good move may be to write down on paper your thoughts and feelings regarding your family situation.  How has the divorce of your parents affected you?  I find writing thoughts in my journal to be an excellent way of expression.  I journal about what I read in the Bible.  Or if I think of some good point, I write it down.  Sometimes I journal about thoughts from the past.  There is an aspect of finality when you get something on paper.  You could put some finality to your thoughts on the divorce of your parents.

   To give an example, I will express some thoughts I have had in the past on the divorce of my parents right here: “The five year separation, which seemed much longer and was terrible, followed by the divorce of my parents, hurt me.  Specific wrongs done by my parents really hurt me.  There was so much hurt done to me.  Because of their separation and divorce that resulted from wrongdoings, I was hurt really bad.  Some actions that were done were horrible.  And I reacted by having much anger over a period of time.  Also, there have been problems with my parents related to their divorce ever since.”

   I sit here contemplating these facts, and I am able to add: “Thank you God for enabling me to forgive them.  I forgive them.  I forgive them for real hurtful stuff done to me.  I love my dad.  I love my mom.  Praise be to You Holy God.”

   Now if this were my private journal, I might go into many more specifics on each statement.  If you have a private journal or diary, you can list some specific frustrations or such, and then you can say or write a prayer to God concerning problems.  When I write down a prayer to God, I draw a cross and then write something to God next to it.  Regarding any wrongdoings, you could say or write a prayer to be enabled to forgive.  If you do not have a journal, simply write on a blank sheet of paper.  You could even write something in this book if you own it, though you may want to keep your statements in a private place.  My suggestion is that, before you complete this book, you write at least one sentence down about how you feel about your family situation.

   When there is closure on many issues of the past, you can give more attention to the present.  And if you know Christ, everlasting good things will be known even if you are experiencing many present difficulties and hardships.  Worshiping God with brothers and sisters in Christ is important, and I have been blessed by experiences on church “retreats” in the past.  But a relationship with God is not something you go all out for only for one hour on Sunday or on a retreat twice a year.  A relationship with Jesus involves receiving God's love daily and acting daily with that love.  A relationship with God is about being in His presence constantly.  We can receive and act with God's love by constantly entrusting ourselves to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

   There is an incident revealed in Luke 2:41-50 which shows that even in the family of Jesus in Israel, things did not go smoothly every day.  When Jesus was twelve years old, the family took their yearly trip to Jerusalem for the Passover.  Jewish men were actually required to travel to Jerusalem three times a year for three different feasts as prescribed in Deuteronomy 16:16.  The Feast of Unleavened Bread, which commences with the Passover supper, goes for an entire week.

   Rather than taking a head count before the return trip, the parents of Jesus assumed He was along with everyone else in their traveling entourage which included other children, and probably relatives and friends.  His parents expected Jesus to be with them, and the family traveled for a whole day until Joseph and Mary realized that their oldest child was not with them.  When His parents finally found Jesus in the temple courts after three days, apparently they did not even yell at the boy.  Mary did tell Jesus that she and Joseph had been anxiously searching for Him.

   Jesus did not follow His family because even though he was young, He knew the Father wanted Him to talk with people in the temple at that time.  And though we cannot know for sure, considering that the wording of Luke specifies the Passover, and not the Feast of Unleavened Bread, I am convinced that Joseph had the family leaving before the final Sabbath day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread.  Also consider the wording of how they were following the "custom" whereas attending the Passover and Feast of Unleavened Bread was a command of the Law.  Joseph should not have left early if he did.  Jesus followed the Mosaic Law however!

   Jesus was not concerned in the least that He had been left by His family of this world, because Jesus knew He was where He was supposed to be at that time, in His Father's house.  But maybe you feel like you are where you are supposed to be, in your house, and yet there in that place you find constant turmoil.  Maybe your house is no longer home.  Believe that Jesus wants you to live with Him in His Father's house, irrelevant of your circumstances in this world.  Turning to God does not mean you are instantaneously transported from your earthly home.  It does mean that you have an eternal Father now, and that you are on a journey home.  That journey involves learning and experiencing more wonderful truths about God which can have an immediate effect in you.

   The parents of Jesus traveled another day back to Jerusalem, and then looked for Jesus for three days.  But maybe the situation is so bad in your house that you feel you could wander off, and no one would come looking for you.  Or maybe you did stray somewhere, or maybe you strayed into something, something that was not good.  Maybe no one seemed to care.  If you did get attention for your actions, maybe you did not get compassion.  But I have good news right here and now.  Jesus has come looking for you, and He not only knows where you are right this moment, but He cares.

   Though there has been a separation between God and people, God has not deserted people.  Just as God continued to offer interaction with Adam and Eve after they had to leave the Garden of Eden, God's desire is to interact with all people.  The Bible records much interaction between God and people.  God continues to intervene in the lives of those who will receive Him.  Jesus knew that you and me, being separated from the complete presence of God, would stray in our hearts away from God.  Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, the Messiah, anticipated by the Jewish people, the Israelites, with whom God kept His promise, came to offer forgiveness and unification.  If you have never opened up to Jesus, know that He is knocking at the door of your heart, still, because He loves you.  Any person who opens the door of her or his heart to Jesus, because of His obedience on the cross, is united with the One who has promised that He will never leave or forsake that person (Hebrews 13:5).

   For those who have been in a relationship with Jesus, maybe you come from a divorced family where things are in such disarray that you have felt there are times when you have been left all alone even though it says in the Bible that God is always with His children. Though God is always with me whether I am by myself or with other people, I have felt as though I was alone.  Yet once you receive Jesus, He will never leave you alone.  The Holy Spirit is in the heart of those who believe in Jesus, even if His presence is not detected.  The Spirit will comfort you when you enter into prayer with God, and God will intervene when you turn anything over to Him.  Believing in God takes faith, and by His grace, He wants you to gain more.  Having faith in Jesus Christ enables us to receive God’s love, to love Him, and to love the people He puts in our lives.

(Photo copyright by randyhofman.com.  Used by permission.)

   Good dreams can come true for you no matter what has gone on in your family.  When you walk with Jesus, dreams are between you and God, in the hands of the Savior who wants to guide you to goodness.  Past or current circumstances are not barriers for future goodness for the person who obeys Jesus.  God wants good things in your life.  No matter how bad your family circumstances are, you can have joy if you abide in Christ.

   For us folks who have a tendency to do our own thing, being changed, which includes learning to do what is good while refraining from wrongdoing, is hard.  Yet trusting Jesus and relying on Him leads only to great things.  Going God’s way does not mean your life will be free of problems.  Everyone encounters some problems, and if you follow Jesus, you will have problems that you may have never anticipated.  I have had challenges and hardships as a Christian I never had before.  But in following Jesus, there can be joy in the midst of experiencing those hardships.  And in following Jesus, the hardships that you are spared are countless, I am convinced.  In John 16:33, Jesus says, “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”

   When I lived in Virginia, I often took a subway to work.  On the way home from work one evening, I was trying to read yet I could not help but hear the conversation of two brothers who sat in the seat behind me and who were speaking loudly.  One brother had moved away from the state he was raised in, and was working in Washington D.C.  The other brother, who was much younger, had traveled from their parent’s home to visit his older brother.  They were talking about different things and then the younger brother asked, “Don’t you get lost sometimes trying to find your way around this big city.”  The other brother responded, “Yes I do.  But I'll never forget how to find my way back to Texas.”

   Without God in this world, your soul is away from the family you were created to be in, and indeed is lost.  With God, you are with the Person who has an eternal home for you with Him.  The family of God is available for anyone, yet we are unable to work our way into this family, since this eternal family is a destiny to be with a Person whom we could never reach by our own effort.  To be united with God, we need to receive the love of Jesus, the One who enables a person to be adopted.

   Recorded in Mark 10:1-12, Jesus had a discussion about divorce with some Pharisees, and then His disciples.  I note that the context of Mark 10:10-12 concerns divorce where there is no marital unfaithfulness, which is an allowable condition for divorce (Matthew 5:32), and that definition includes abuse as I stated earlier.  The context for Mark 10:10-12 is set by Mark 10:3-5, which brings to issue the Mosaic Law where there could be divorce simply due to indecency, as is stated in Deuteronomy 24:1.  Jesus furthered this law.

   Immediately following that passage, there is a passage where Jesus interacts with children.  The sequence of the passages is appropriate and purposeful as God knows that children get hurt by divorce.  Read what Jesus does in Mark 10:16 with the children; “And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.”  No matter what the marital state of your parents, no matter who raised or is raising you, and no matter what your age, you need to enter the open arms of Jesus.  You need to still yourself before the Messiah and let Jesus touch you with His love.  Then you will know the blessing of God.

Hunter Irvine gave his heart to Jesus in 1990.

Hunter graduated from Virginia Tech,

and he graduated Summa Cum Laude from

Colorado Christian University

with a second B.A. in Youth Ministry.

Works Cited:
McDowell, Josh. More Than A Carpenter.
   Wheaton: Living Books, 1977.

Stott, John. Evangelical Truth; A Personal Plea for Unity,
   Integrity and Faithfulness.
   Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1999.

Torrey, R.A. Difficulties in the Bible.
   1907. Reprint, Springdale, Pennsylvania:
   Whitaker House, 1996.