My Parents Are Divorced - Chapter 2 - Forever Family

Chapter Two:   FOREVER FAMILY

   My first Christmas following the separation of my parents was rough.  In the early afternoon of Christmas Eve day, my mom told me I had to spend Christmas somewhere else besides home due to a family problem.  Mrs. Craige, the mother of two friends, had told me several times in the past to come over some time to spend a night with my friends and the family.  I found myself on the phone asking Mrs. Craige if her invitation stood on Christmas Eve.  Mrs. Craige did not hesitate in her response.  She said the family would truly enjoy having me spend the Christmas holiday with them.  I later learned that after she got off of the phone with me, she immediately sent my two friends on a Christmas Eve shopping spree to get presents for me.
   My Christmas with the Craige family was nice.  Spending Christmas morning with everyone opening gifts was special.  My sole gift to the family was two boxes of chocolates which I had quickly purchased at a drug store before I was dropped off at their house.  When the family unwrapped those two boxes of chocolates, they all acted as though they had received a tray of gold coins.  That made me feel good.  Presents from the family to myself included one item that I still use today.

   Christmas day continued as we played putt-putt around the house with an indoor golf set.  I was even there one more day, and my friends and I did many activities together.  However, as much trouble as every single member of the Craige family went to in order to ensure that I had a nice time on Christmas morning, I had a empty feeling in my soul indicating that I was a guest.  Had things been right with my family, I would have been having Christmas with them instead.  The Craige family was a special family, truly, but they were not my family.

   When parents divorce, the dynamics of that family changes.  Numerous new problems can result, and problems of parents continue to affect the children.  Some people have had visitation difficulties.  Then if a girlfriend or a boyfriend enters the family situation, parent-child relations can become even more strained.  I have heard various scenarios where the living situation became unstable, miserable, or even dangerous.  For some, problems seem to increase by the week with no end in sight.

   (Photo copyright randyhofman.com.  Used by permission.)   

   So if a person lives in a family, and the circumstances are horrible, then a person may deduce that the smart thing to do would be to scratch any family relationships.  Why not just forget families?  The reason is that God has a purpose for families.  He put people in families for a reason and does not want us to forgo family relationships because of what has happened with our parents.  God wants us to care about family relationships, not living in turmoil, but not abandoning concern.  Yet love is needed for such care.  Thus the starting point for blessed family relationships is examining an invitation into God’s forever family.

   God offers an opportunity to every person to realize joy as a permanent member of His family.  Before I talk about this new family that is available for you, which may sound really foreign, I need to briefly discuss the source of this revelation, so you can understand the legitimacy of such a claim.
   When I was a student at Virginia Tech, I minored in “Communications,” and a professor for a communications history class once talked about how the Bible has been the most published book in history, yet it is also the least read book.  That fact perplexed me.  Why would people be inclined to purchase a book they did not want to read?  So I give you an invitation here to read the Bible anytime for yourself, rather than only reading what I have to say about the Bible.  I have the upmost conviction the Bible is accurate after years of studying Scripture.  And your conviction will have to come from your own heart.
   The Bible means “the Book,” yet this term was not used within the Bible or by early Christians.  Scripture was a word they used, and it meant “sacred writings.”  In John 1:14 it states, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”  So we know that the Word came from the Father, who is the subject of this chapter.  And the Word referred to here is Jesus!  He is the subject of the next chapter.  Yet the Bible is often referred to as the “word of God,” with a lower case "w."  That is because it contains revelations from God.  2 Timothy 3:16 teaches the Bible is inspired by God.  Thus Scripture is a witness of the grace and truth of Jesus Christ, because Scripture was inspired by the Holy Spirit.  And thus Scripture is true, containing revelations from God along with the inspired witnesses of men.  God's purpose with Scripture is to bless to all people with the knowledge of the mercy and grace of God, which we all need for eternal life.  God wants us to learn that He truly loves us!
   So I encourage you to rely on the Spirit of Christ to guide you as you read the Bible, the Book inspired by God and written by people.  It requires proper interpretation, which even involves literary genres, which I learned about in my “Interpreting the Bible” class at Colorado Christian University.  I briefly discuss interpretation at:
(http://hunter-ntintro.blogspot.com/2014/11/what-should-be-objective-of-biblical.html), and there are many books on this subject.
   I do encourage you to discover for yourself the historical accuracy of the Bible.  I share one personal experience to encourage you, of where I applied faith and learning to gain conviction of the accuracy of Scripture when there seemed to be an error.  I recall mulling over an issue which seemed to be a clear Biblical discrepancy one evening as the sun was setting when I was living in Grand Junction, Colorado.  Four Bible authors recorded a phrase written on the sign the Roman governor had posted on the cross upon which Jesus was crucified.  None of the phrases by the four authors are completely the same, though all four are similar, and all four contain “the king of the Jews” as a part of the phrase.  Automatic discrepancy?  Relying on peace from God that evening in prayer, I continued on in faith that the Bible is accurate.
   Years later, I flipped through a paperback book in a Christian bookstore entitled Difficulties in the Bible by R.A. Torrey.  He gave a valid explanation in chapter eighteen regarding the apparent discrepancy.  (Note I have since read that entire book, and I think R.A. Torrey can be insightful, but I have some disagreements; for example he believed there was a pre-Adamic race which dwelled on earth.)  John 19:20 states there were three phrases on the sign on the cross; one written in Aramaic, one in Latin, and one in Greek.  The phrase the governor wanted posted was probably translated or written slightly different in each of the three languages by whoever actually did the writing!  But that still leaves one statement which should match one of the others.  Yet Mark specifies he is identifying the “charge” put on the cross.  He was not necessarily identifying exactly what the sign read.  So what seemed to be an obvious contradiction is no discrepancy at all, and there is definitely no discrepancy concerning a message from God.
   So back to the forever family offer!  What does God want for you?  Right after God created people, read what His first act was towards people: “God blessed them…” (Genesis 1:28).  The plan of God in the beginning was to bless people, and remains so.  Yet if God wants to bless people, why are so many things a mess?  This question needs to be examined.

   The “Garden of Eden” was a place where the first man and woman lived after they were created by God.  This garden was a physical place on earth, as the Bible gives detailed description of the rivers that developed from Eden, and the places where they flowed.  Unlike any place I have seen, the garden was strewn with a variety of life.  Breakfast could simply be plucked from a tree, just as I have seen people do on an island of Samoa.  Besides pomegranates and figs, a rainbow selection of fruit was available, possibly including papayas, mangoes, and cherries.  Animals surrounded the garden of God, provided with food in the encompassing fields.  Tame animals may have frolicked through the orchards, and milk from a cow did not have to be processed.
   Yet key for us to understand is the spiritual purpose of God within the garden.  In the middle grew “the tree of life,” a unique tree with a symbolic purpose from God, and a designated spiritual aspect.  A person who ate of the tree would live forever (Genesis 3:22), which is what God enabled.  God told Adam that he and Eve could eat from the “tree of life,” and eternal life was the gift He offered.  But Adam did not choose that gift.  Instead, he and Eve chose to engage in the single act that they were instructed against doing.  God told Adam not to eat the fruit of “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,” another tree with designated purpose.  But Adam and Eve did eat that fruit.
   To dispel two common misunderstandings about what Adam and Eve did, know that their wrongdoing had absolutely nothing to do with apples or sex.  Their wrongdoing had to do with disobeying God, engaging in what they could not handle.  The result was that Adam and Eve had to leave the Garden of Eden where the “tree of life” was.  The long term consequence of Adam disobeying God resulted in a separation between God and people.  Separated from God, the hearts of men and women were filled with inclinations to do what is wrong, termed sin, which causes death.
   The first two children of Adam and Eve were two boys named Abel and Cain.  Do you know what happened to those two children?  Cain murdered his brother Abel.  The first family on this earth experienced a murder tragedy, and that was because of wrongdoing by Cain.  Yet even before the murder, Scripture shows God was directing the family of Adam and Eve to give Him a proper offering as a payment for sin, because God was making people aware that sins could be amended by Him.  God had the perfect plan for the unification of people with Him.
   Following the murder between the first two brothers in human history, violence rapidly increased on earth.  Rather than putting an end to the tragic actions of people by permanently cutting off all of His creation, God sustained the human race, working for people to become united with Him.  God’s plan for forgiving sins continued to be patiently unveiled by God throughout many generations, fully revealed and fulfilled by the Messiah.  God fulfilled His constant plan to bless people with eternal life, by the atonement for sins by the Messiah.
   So in addition to giving a person life in the present, God’s plan offers a person eternal life.  God has created all life, and He also sustains all life.  Being with God permanently is the single way for a person to know eternal life.  Eternal life – that is what I really want you to think about here.  Though we are unable to go into a spiritual garden planted by God, God has made Himself available to you now, whoever you are and wherever you happen to live.  Because of God’s love, you can receive what He originally offered to the first man and woman, which is eternal life.
   Eternal life fits into the subject of family, because eternal life is known in the family of God.  Scripture reveals God’s plan to bring people into His family.   The ‘Lord's Prayer’ is a prayer that people say as a group in many churches.  Found in Scripture, the person who taught this prayer was Jesus, as is recorded in Matthew 6:9-13 and Luke 11:2-4.  Note the two separate prayers are a bit different, showing that the exact wording is not what is mandatory when you pray.  In Matthew the prayer starts out; “Our Father, who art (is) in heaven, hallowed be thy name.”  The beginning of this prayer reveals much about the family that people need to be adopted into for everlasting life.
   Here God is called "Father," and that name automatically suggests a family. Some folks have a bad impression when it comes to the person of a father.  Maybe your earthly father has hurt you.  Maybe your father is not around much.  Maybe your father never expressed love to you.  But you were created to have a dad, and not only one on earth.  Please believe me when I say that God the Father is Love.  This Father wants what is best for you.  That may sound trite, but it should be considered.  If you are upset with your father, it may even be harder to believe that this Father even cares for your dad.
   Even if your dad is marvelous, you both need the Father also.  The Father is not a substitute for earthly fathers; rather earthly fathers are given by God in addition to mothers and everything else He gives.  God gave every person an earthly father, even if that father was not united in marriage with the mom or was not there to support in the raising of a child or children.  Needing a dad is not a childish thing, it is a natural thing.  Not only is God the Father a natural need, He is a mandatory need for goodness.  And God the Father is always available to turn to.
   In speaking of the Father, the pronoun “our” in this prayer needs to be addressed.  A person who is in communion with the Father is in His family.  I recognize that it can sound strange to join another family.  Just as the Craige family was not and is not my own family, you may think the family with this Father is not really your own.  But unlike other families which God never intended for us to be in, God desires for people to be in the family of God.  Ponder for a moment as to whether or not there is a longing in your heart for the family of your Creator, even though the concept may sound foreign on the surface.
   Then, the ‘Lord’s prayer’ specifies that our Father is in heaven.  Since He is in heaven, and we are here, that means we cannot look at Him sitting in His favorite chair and say, “Dad, I want a snow cone!”  The reason we cannot see God is not because He has been lounging on an island in the South Pacific.  God is omnipresent, which means He can be everywhere at once, but remember there was a separation.
   In the garden, Adam and Eve were in the presence of God.  An example is from Genesis 3:8.  “Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.”  Had they not sinned, rather than hiding, they could have run right up to God and gone into His arms.  But since the separation, no human has been in the complete presence of God.  But God has been and is present with certain people to an incredible extent here on earth, as will be seen when I talk about Jesus and the Spirit.
   Though none of us humans can see God, if a person accepts the spiritual bond offered by God, that person becomes a child of God.  Separation at this time for a child of God is only physical and quite temporary.  A child of God is destined for a permanent home, which is heaven.  One day all children of God will see the Father face to face.  My Father is in heaven, and that is where I will dwell when my journey in this world is over.
   Next in the first line of the ‘Lord's Prayer’ is “hallowed be thy name.”  A definition of hallow is “holy.”  The name of the Father is good and sacred.  This is important since the name of the Father matches His character.  If talking to the Father, you are talking to the Holy God.  In the case of people I know, a person's name does not give you any indication of what kind of character that person has.  My name is Hunter, yet I have never been hunting.  My name is meaningless, or even misleading to others unless a person knows me and applies the name to me.  Even if I did hunt, you would know something I do, but not my character.  Yet when Scripture refers to the "Father," it is referring to God, who is loving and perfectly good.

(Photo copyright randyhofman.com.  Used by permission.)

   Jesus taught the ‘Lord's Prayer’ to the disciples, not only to repeat, but to think about.  When I think about the first line, I am struck with awe about God who is a perfect Father, and who wants to adopt people, even people who do not care about Him, into His family.  God created people, and God’s desire is that people choose to be with Him.

   Now some may respond, this "family of God" is really just a bunch of "Christians" who are as divided and dysfunctional as everyone else.  Indeed, love may not be immediately apparent in a “church.”  Maybe you have visited a church, and no one even talked with you.  And if you are not a Christian, you still may be aware there are numerous “denominations” which do not even have much to do with one another.  Maybe you do not sense much love in churches.  Yet love in the family of God always starts with God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  It is His love which binds the family of God together.

   People who have received the love of Jesus, adopted children of God, have the love of God in their hearts.  We all still sometimes sin.  I have done some things that hurt brothers and sisters in Christ, and brothers and sisters in Christ have done things which have hurt me.  There is often a need for people to repent and apologize in the family of God on earth.  But in the family of God, through the terrible mistakes, along with the wonderful support, the family is growing closer together as individuals grow closer to God.  I have seen that.  As I have written in my journal many times, “The perfection process is a painful process, yet the perfection process leads to goodness.”  People who have entered the New Covenant with Jesus are people who are consistently being changed by God in His love.  People who follow Christ are made to be more like Christ, with a complete transformation taking place when with Christ in heaven.

   God has worked and continues to work to bring people into one joyful family, His own.  The Bible states, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God” (John 1:12-13).  How Jesus makes adoption possible for you into God’s forever family is what the next chapter shows.

My Parents Are Divorced - Chapter 1 - You Are Loved

Chapter One:   YOU ARE LOVED

   During the time of my parent’s separation, I often went for walks.  Along many streets in my neighborhood, and sometimes along streets of neighborhoods far away, I walked many miles.  At first I would observe houses, yards, and the occasional person who happened to be outside.  Simple brick houses were among the abodes I admired.  I also liked houses with a large porch, which was rare in my neighborhood.  Many yards were a deep lush green.  On most walks, surroundings would eventually go unnoticed for a period of time as I was thinking.

   Once when in constant thought about family problems, I was walking through a neighborhood by an elementary school.  Approaching a small house on a corner lot, I began to consider that if only someone would give me such a house to live in, then I would be happy.  Physically away from my family which was in disarray, I could live my own life.  I could earn enough money to buy a car, I could get a girlfriend, and then life would surely get better.  Happiness would be mine.

   There were three flaws with my fantasy of a prosperous physical break away from my family.  First of all, no one was offering a free house to me.  Secondly, there still would have been an attachment in my heart to my parents, in spite of all of the hurts.

   In fact there comes a time when a child becomes an adult and moves away from her or his parents.  Reaching adulthood should bring the stage of parental independence.  Parents can give support or advice to adult children like they would any friend, but “parenting” adult children is improper.  An adult is an adult.  Though the nature of your relationship with your parents should be different in your adulthood, hopefully there can still be friendship.  Yet whether or not that is an aspect of the parent-child relationship, there likely will still be a bond in your heart.

   Thirdly, even if I was in the position at that time to sign a lease on an apartment and financially support myself, and even if I had entered a relationship with a woman as a girlfriend, happiness would not have been the sure result.  True happiness, as opposed to a temporary state of being happy, does not result from circumstances; rather it is a permanent way of being.  Having good circumstances really helps support happiness!  Yet true joy exists even in rough circumstances for the person who has true love in his or her heart.

   So how do you get true happiness?  I proclaim that you get it by having love.  In fact the Bible reveals that all people need true love, not only for joy, but for everlasting life.  Where is love to be found?  Is the family the source of true love?  What if a person has been so hurt that he or she wonders if his or her heart should ever be opened again to anyone?

   Personally, around the time of my parent’s separation, both of them told me that they loved me, and some specific acts expressed that love.  But other actions by my parents conveyed the opposite.  Loving words accompanied by wrong and hurtful actions brought about confusion and frustration.  Both of my parents lost my trust.

   There are no perfect love relationships between parents and their children in any families in this world.  No parents on earth love their children perfectly, and there are no children on earth who love their parents perfectly.  And no people love their spouse perfectly.  So what is needed within spouse and parent-child relations is the substance of absolute love.

   Scripture, also known as the Bible, shows that neither humans nor the institution of the family is the source of pure everlasting love.  Yet even if you are experiencing hurt or desperation within troublesome family relations, perfect love can be received.  Rather than depending on family members for pure love, and rather than thinking you can produce love yourself, you must receive true love from the ultimate source.

   Since the source of perfect love is not found in a human family, some people head out to the next place of opportunity that comes to mind: the mall.  A young person might say to his or her parent, parents, or guardian, “I’m going to hang at the mall for a few hours,” which plainly translates to, “I’m going to the love hub in hopes of meeting someone who is hot.”  You young women know that at the mall there are many guys who have nice haircuts, good postures, and are quite witty when it comes to cutting on their friends.  And you young men know that at the mall there are many ladies who have skin tight clothing, colorful lipstick, and interesting shoes.  The saying “money can’t buy love” is valid because love is a gift.  Thus if the mall is a true love station, then you should be able to go to the mall with an empty wallet, yet walk out with love galore.

   There have been some good relationships begun at a mall.  I personally gained a friendship with a woman who worked at a vitamin store at the mall closest to me, not a romantic relationship I must add, who has since retired and moved to a different state.  Maybe there are some married couples who met at the mall.  My parents met in a library.  When they first met, my mom said my dad was reading a textbook with his feet propped up on a desk.  He had taken off his shoes, and a big hole in his sock was displayed to library patrons.

   But back to the mall, allow me make a fictional illustration.  Say that a young man was at the mall looking to get love.  He had brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and even put cologne on, at the cologne counter of the department store where he entered the mall.  Then he begins moseying around that department store, and speaking of interesting shoes, right there in the shoe section, boom, our love seeker spots a young lady whom he finds physically attractive.

   The two people engage in conversation and quickly learn they have at least two things in common.  They both go to high school, and they both dislike math.  After talking for a short time, the young guy asks the lady if she would join him for a lunch at the ‘Ooey Gooey Chewy Burger.’  The plot of this story gets even more interesting since it turns out that the young lady also came to the mall looking for love, though getting new shoes was an alternative plan.  And she not only thinks that the guy smells good, but she also thinks he is cute.  So two people who were both looking to get love interact with someone they are attracted to, and a relationship has been instigated.

   As I ponder this scenario, my mood becomes serious, because relationships are important since they involve people, who are important to God.  And specifically, relationships are the manner for people to share love.  In my fictional story there are two people, both of whom are looking to get love, who have established a relationship.  There is one key question that is still under consideration however.  Is either person also prepared to give love?  Rather than these two people walking hand in hand into a sunset in the parking lot at the west end of the mall, the issue of love within their relationship has only begun.  And the issue of love is not the same thing as love.

   Regardless of what kind of family background you come from, the two of us definitely have some things in common, including the fact that you and I both need love for life.  And you, like me, in this world lacking in love, have been hurt at some time.  I was hurt in my heart, hurt really bad.  That only further impaired a heart which already had some blockage which interfered with my ability to receive love.  A mall has numerous people mulling around, yet none of them have perfect love for you.  And a mall has much glitz, yet love does not come from a place.  Perfect love comes from a Person, and that Person is God.  God is love.  That is what Scripture states, in 1 John 4:16.

   In order to receive God’s love, you need to be in a relationship with God.  God knows everything about you, and God loves you.  To receive His love, you must desire to know God and to receive His love.  God has made available the possibility to know Him in a loving relationship, one that will lead to complete unity.  The way to be in a loving relationship with God is to believe in Jesus.  How can Jesus make a loving relationship possible?  In order to be in a true love relationship with God, a person must be holy, which is being pure and good.  Why?  Because God, who is Holy, will not be in the intimate full communion required for a true love relationship unless there is holiness.  True love involves holiness.  People fall short of holiness, as it states in Romans 3:23, yet a person can be forgiven of wrongdoings and enabled to become holy.  Jesus offers forgiveness and His Spirit, thus a person who receives Jesus will begin a loving relationship with God.
   In order for you to determine for yourself if this is true, you need to learn about who Jesus is.  God has made this possible.  The beloved minister, author, and scholar from London, England, John Stott, once wrote, “Being both finite and fallen, we cannot reach [God.] We could never know [God] (unless he should take the initiative to make himself known)…” (Stott 36).  He has.  In the Bible, verses one and two of the first chapter of the book of Hebrews inform us that God spoke to people in history through prophets, and then for all times God spoke through Jesus, who was God incarnate, which means God in the flesh.  These revelations of God are recorded for us in Scripture, the 66 books of the “Bible.”
   This book will illuminate some of God’s revelations written in Scripture.  God’s revelations reveal His love for people, including the opportunity for people to have forgiveness.  Ultimately His revelations reveal Himself: a loving Father, a Son who is a Savior, and a Holy Spirit.  God’s revelations lead to the astonishing truth of Christianity that God offers true love to people, indeed God offers Himself, and it all starts with Jesus.
   To open up to Jesus, you do not need to know all of the answers.  A relationship with Jesus is the beginning of much learning.  I gave my heart to Jesus in 1990, and I learn more from God every day.  If I am on earth fifty years from now, I will still be learning.  Seeking answers is a blessed pursuit, yet both your mind and your heart must be involved when it comes to learning about God.  And though you need faith in Jesus to receive God's love, such faith should not be arbitrary.  My faith in Jesus is rooted in God’s revelations in Scripture.

   Relationships, families, and divorce are all discussed by Jesus in Scripture because of His love for people.  Marriage was affirmed by Jesus to be a union between a husband and wife until physical death, as is recorded in Matthew 19: 4-9.  When that union is broken, it means that there was wrongdoing at some point by at least one spouse or both.  Jesus did give a provision allowing divorce in certain circumstances (Matthew 5:32), which includes abuse and adultery, which are certain manifestations of anger and lust.  One of your parents may have made an appropriate decision by divorcing his or her spouse.  But even if a parent appropriately sought a divorce, there is no doubt that at least one parent engaged in wrongdoing, and all family members were hurt by that action if divorce was the consequence.

   Each divorce situation is different.  Even if I had some details of your family situation, the complexities of relationships and the plethora of facts could easily prevent me from fully understanding what you had gone through and are going through at this time.  Concerning me, I give a brief sketch of my family situation.  My parents separated after twenty-one years of marriage, and I was hurt.  They ended up being separated for over five years, and their separation was terrible for me in all five of those years.

   Since I was in college at the time of their separation, I did have the advantage of being physically out of the situation for much of the time.  I diverted my attention to studies and a part time job.  But as the separation continued, problems in my family only escalated.  Going home from college was miserable, and I was often forced to stay at the house of some friends for various periods of time.  Then after college, pursuing my own plans and dreams seemed tangled in with my ever crumbling family, because of the fact I stated earlier concerning my ‘breakaway’ fantasy, which was that I still had a bond of love in my heart with my parents even though they both, to much different degrees, hurt me.

   Divorce between my parents did finally take place.  Such closure was welcomed by me, yet the divorce brought no improvement in family relationships for me.  I can clearly articulate now that what I have gone through has been awful.  And the tragic fact remains that the two people in this world who are my mom and dad are divorced.

   I do not write this as someone who handled his parent’s divorce in an outstanding manner.  I write this book as a result of what God has done in my heart.  Having received love from God, there has been healing, and He has even brought good for me out of my situation of having immense family difficulties.  There are some problems that remain to this day in my relationships with my parents, and because of this, I still need help.  God continues to guide and support me.  And concerning you, the title of this chapter contains “you” because God does love you unconditionally.  The next chapter shows how God offers love to you.

My Parents Are Divorced - INTRODUCTION

My Parents Are Divorced

by Hunter Irvine

Copyright 2005 by Hunter Irvine

All rights reserved.

(Revised in 2014)

All Scripture quotations taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® NIV®.  Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society.  Used by permission of Zondervan.  All rights reserved.

All photographs copyright randyhofman.com.  Used by permission.

Dedicated to my dad, and to my mom.

A special thanks to Lillian Mae Irvine, Grandma, for support as I edited away for years.

Contents:
Introduction
Chapter 1              You Are Loved

Chapter 2              Forever Family

Chapter 3              Forgiveness

Chapter 4              Healing

Chapter 5              Love

Chapter 6              Honor

Chapter 7              Dream On

INTRODUCTION

   During the summer of 2000, I was asked to join a church as a counselor for one week at a Christian youth conference held at facilities of the University of Colorado in Boulder.  The conference was carried out by a specific denomination, though students of any denomination or students who were not Christians were invited.  A minister from a neighboring church asked me if I would serve as a counselor at the conference for their church youth group since I had a week off from my work as a part-time youth pastor at my church.  The event involved speakers, afternoon seminars, and some evening Christian rock concerts.  We slept in the University of Colorado dorms, we ate great food in the cafeteria, and the speakers were all in the coliseum.  There were no lions for us Christians, rather wonderful hospitality.  It was a special conference.  One day, as my small group was meeting during a designated time to discuss some points made by a speaker, I became convinced God wanted me to go and pray about my parent’s divorce.  Once the idea hit me, it made complete sense to me, and I knew right where to go and pray.  Both my dad and my mom graduated from the University of Colorado, Boulder, in 1965.  That is where they met, in the library, and that is where they fell in love.  They were married on September 2, 1965, a few months after their graduation.

   During free time that afternoon, rather than playing soccer with the students as I liked to do, I went by myself to the University of Colorado library.  The sun was shining brightly, there were few college students around that summer day, and no students from the conference were around that area of campus.  Going to the entrance of the library, I realized that inside the library was not where I wanted to pray.  I went in the middle of a grassy area to the side of the library, where no one was sitting, and I sat on the lush green grass.  Then by the ivy covered stone walls, I started praying.  I prayed much, talking on and on about various details concerning my parents.  I thought about many past family problems, hurts surrounding my upbringing, my parent’s separation, and their eventual divorce after 27 years of marriage.  The praying finally came to a point where, as I relied on Jesus, I forgave my parents for wrongs they had done which hurt me.  As prayer continued, I felt as though I still had many family problems to express, yet on the other hand I felt like it would be overwhelming to continue.  Then, with a booming sound, the bell rang in a bell tower there at the University of Colorado.  I felt as though my prayer time was over.  I had forgiven my parents.

   That did not turn out to be the end of my family problems.  That did not turn out to be the end of struggles in my life, such as my struggle with anger.  Yet that was a glorious day where there was healing galore in my heart.  I offer this book to you simply saying I am convicted that Jesus loves you, and that He has the solution which will result in healing and joy if you have been hurt by the divorce of your parents.  Ultimately, the love of Jesus is what this book is about.

I never envisioned back on February 27, 2000

   When I started writing My Parents Are Divorced on February 27, 2000, I did not know what I was getting into.  It became a huge writing endeavor which involved countless hours over many years.  And unlike my first book which was co-published, I could not get this published, though a few publishers considered it.  I am grateful to the LORD it now can be read by anyone in the world here on my blog, something I never envisioned back in 2000.  My prayer is God would continue to use it for healing for people who have been hurt by the divorce of their parents, and even people who have been through divorce themselves, since similar needs for forgiveness and forgiving apply.
God bless you,
Hunter

God wants good dreams to come true for you.

   Does God want good dreams to come true for us?  Facing tough circumstances recently, this questioned was pondered by me this week.  At a Christian men’s retreat in Maryland in 1996, I listened to a wise speaker, Dick Foth, claim that God wants good dreams to come true for everyone.  Was he correct?  He was not talking about fortune and fame ambitions which benefit an individual alone.  He was talking about good dreams, dreams which bless others as well as yourself; dreams which are shared with God.
   Now the primary objective Jesus has for you is not merely going for your dreams!  The objective of following Jesus is to love people and carry out what is termed the Great Commission.  Yet this is not done in some standard method.  No, the call is for you to carry out your witness of Christ in a personal way where ministry calling and dreams merge.  Now there is sacrifice.  The pursuit of any good dream in this world which is marred by sin will require sacrifice.  And in following Jesus you will suffer!  It is a subject many ministers like to avoid, yet it is inevitable for the person following Jesus, the One who calls His disciples to take up their cross, as it states in Mark 8:34.  Praise be to God there is hope amidst the suffering, there is goodness which comes to other people and even ourselves as we submit to God’s will, and there are ultimate dreams which are going to come true for all followers of Jesus in heaven.
   My journals over the past eighteen years have consistently contained repetitive petitions, proceeded by Thanksgiving, for three prayer requests.  Really, they have been three dreams.  One has been to be married, the other has been for a career ministry position, and the third has concerned different writing endeavors at different times.  Instead of going into the details of those three dreams over the past eighteen years, I will write here how God led me to Colorado Christian University, and enabled me to succeed there.  Doing such furthered my writing dream and opened the door for a career ministry position to be gained, though I have yet to receive that.  The marriage dream, the one that has always been the most major dream, has still not come true.  Yet I am in such a great position in my heart for such having been improved by God so much these past twenty-four years, and being so incredibly prepared for a career has put me in a great position for marriage.  Yet all details aside regarding God's preparation for marriage, having waited so long to be married, I can say that it is only because of Jesus that I never lost hope.
   I suggest for you now to take your journal or diary, or if you do not have a journal or diary, take a piece of paper, and write down a dream you have.  Sometimes pray with God about that dream.  Is it a dream He gives the thumbs up to?  If so, pray for guidance about how to pursue that dream.  Pray for patience to carry it out.  Pray all along for His help.  If the dream comes true, likewise write that down.

   I saw the four great grandchildren of Maria and Captain Von Trapp perform in 2008.  That concert was incredible.  For fun I close with a link to them performing one of my favorite songs on request for a group of hikers on a mountain side.  They were hiking with Jack Hanna, their friend from when they were living in Montana.  They still perform, now singing more of their own works.  Here is a classic video in my book by the Von Trapp Family Singers!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZodl0lDYdc

and I have to add a great second video by them:        

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qj9G_adG8c

Hebrews 9:25-28

Nor did he enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own.  Then Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world.  But now he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself.  Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him (Hebrews 9:25-28 NIV).

   Israelites often used certain patterns when writing, such as the “concentric” pattern.  Though the author of Hebrews is far from over with this book, this passage does reach a certain pinnacle, and is an appropriate place for a conclusion of this sectional commentary of Hebrews.  And once again, the fact that the author of Hebrews speaks of a high priest entering the Most Holy Place in the present tense shows this book was written before the destruction of Jerusalem by the Romans in 70 A.D.  Also, the author speaks of the “end of the ages.”  The arrival of the Messiah marked the beginning of a final age of history, an age of mercy and grace being available for all.

   I love the author of Hebrews, a person who only increases in his insistence that Jesus died for your sins and mine.  He relentlessly continues to give a thorough explanation that a permanent sacrifice for sins has been paid for by Christ.  (I use the word "he," yet I add there is a slight chance a woman contributed on Hebrews, since Aquila and Priscilla are two people in the list by scholars of possible authors.)  Earlier our author penned a thorough argument that Jesus is the High Priest for all humanity.  Here he adds another exclamation mark stating of how Jesus has sacrificed Himself for the forgiveness of sins.

   Two epic doctrines are brought to light in this passage.  First, the ministry of Jesus was “once for all.”  Why then does the author go on to say, “…so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people…?”  Does this imply the atonement of Christ was limited?  This is what many theologians argue today, since they argue “predestination” means God, before the creation of the world, destined certain people to go to heaven and certain people to go to hell.  They conclude Christ only died on the cross for selective people whom God elected to be saved.  This doctrine of limited atonement is tragically wrong.  Friends, I beg you to listen to Scripture teaching of how the sacrifice of Jesus was for all human beings.  Inspired Scripture clearly states: “He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9 NIV).  Regarding this Hebrews passage, the proceeding phrase “once for all” needs to be the starting point.  And we see that phrase elsewhere, such as in Hebrews 7:27; “…He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself” (NIV).  In Hebrews 10:10; “And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus once for all” (NIV).  So the reason for the statement in verse 28 that Christ’s sacrifice took away the sins of “many” is to show unlimited atonement did not result in the automatic salvation of all people, which is termed “universalism.”  People still have the choice of whether to receive Jesus, or not.  This is also a warning from God that not all people are saved.

   I think quoting Jesus is best for summing this up.  Jesus said, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks find; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8 NIV).  Ultimately, what Jesus is talking about here is asking you to be with Him.  Being united with Jesus results in salvation.  Being united with Jesus results in joy and peace.  Christ has made that possible by His mercy and grace offered in accordance by His sacrifice on the cross.  Salvation is by the grace of God through faith in Jesus!  How correct the reformers were about that.  And Jesus invites all to receive His mercy and grace.

   The author has made it clear that God set aside the annual sacrifices of the Mosaic Law, because Christ made the sacrifice for sins once for all.  The annual ritual of the priests in the temple has been put aside because Jesus Christ accomplished the permanent forgiveness of sins.  Christ did it.  We Christians are blessed with traditions such as Easter and Christmas, yet Christianity is not a weekly or annual rite.  Christ is risen every day.  Jesus made the Sacrifice, and this very day a person can receive the atonement Jesus made on the cross, and this very day a follower of Jesus can celebrate the life she or he has in Christ.  And the author states boldly in this verse that Jesus Christ is coming again.

   Being an adult and a celibate single is a tough life, and even tougher when living distant from family members who care about you, at least for this Christian.  I have been able to persevere as a celibate single all these years only since Jesus has been my constant friend for 24 years.  Holidays are the most challenging times, and I was alone for some holidays in Colorado after my grandma died.  On Thanksgiving of 2011, I did not have a meal invitation, and I thought I was going to be alone for the entire day.  It turned out someone from CCU did return a call in the afternoon while I was hiking, and I did end up enjoying a meal with a small group of CCU students at the student union that evening.  Yet as of noon I had no plans, and I was feeling lonely.  Though it was late November, it was a gorgeous Colorado day, so I decided to go hiking.  I drove to mountains west of Boulder.  I had a nice hike, and a long one.  I made time to spend with God on that hike, and to be honest, I spent much time dreaming of having a girlfriend whom I could take on just such a hike.  When driving to the hiking spot, I listened to the album “Pray,” by Rebecca St. James.  The song she sings, “Come Quickly Lord,” about the second coming of Christ, was a song I repeated a whole bunch of times driving to the remote parking area.  I mentioned the Nicene Creed when discussing Hebrews 8:1-2.  There it states: “He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead…”  During my years in Colorado, I recited that sentence during church worship hundreds of times.  Yet do I believe that Jesus really is coming back?  I am thankful to Jesus for teaching me and convicting me that indeed He is going to return to this world.  No one but the Father knows when, yet we can have faith that Jesus is coming back to take His children home.  If you believe in Jesus, and truly believing is always truly receiving, then Jesus is going to come back for you.  I personally need to rely on God’s strength to patiently wait for that day.

   I give thanks to our Heavenly Father for this glorious book of Hebrews.  And I thank you for reading my commentary on a section of Hebrews.  Doing this blog has actually been a dream come true, and my hope is that it has been and will continue to be a blessing to some people.    
love, Hunter

Nicol was formerly a singer in Selah with her brother Todd Smith.  She retired from the trio sometime after she got married, then Selah brought in Amy Perry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azHrSD0IdVQ

Hebrews 9:15-24

For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.  In the case of a will, it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it, because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living.  This is why even the first covenant was not put into effect without blood.  When Moses had proclaimed every commandment of the law to all the people, he took the blood of calves, together with water, scarlet wool and branches of hyssop, and sprinkled the scroll and all the people.  He said, “This is the blood of the covenant, which God has commanded you to keep.”  In the same way, he sprinkled with the blood both the tabernacle and everything used in its ceremonies.  In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.  It was necessary, then, for the copies of the heavenly things to be purified with these sacrifices, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.  For Christ did not enter a man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one; he entered heaven itself, now to appear for us in God’s presence (Hebrews 9:15-24 NIV).

   Ransom is a key word here.  Ransom is a word contained in some classic hymns as well as some contemporary Christian music such as the song I posted the link to three weeks ago.  Yet it is a word I do not hear much in this day and age where you have advanced technology which contributes to officials successfully tracking down a huge percentage of kidnappers and hijackers.  I heard the word more in 1970’s movies.  In my home growing up as an elementary school student in the 1970’s, my family had one black and white television.  Yet we would go to movies frequently, and there were some movies where the conflict involved a kidnapping.  The people who had done the kidnapping would demand a “ransom.”  They would not return the person whom they had taken hostage until family of the hostage gave them money.  Usually they would threaten to kill the person within a short time period if no one would give them money.  So the evil act of kidnapping was done with the intention of creating an exchange of the abducted person for money.  In every movie I ever saw, the police ended up catching the hateful kidnappers, usually after a big car chase, which was popular in the seventies.

   Key for us is this concept that a ransom is an exchange.  Rather than being held captive by angry and sleazy guys from 1970’s movies, we people are held captive by our own wrongdoings, and the result is going to be spiritual death.  All humans are in jeopardy of perishing in hell because all humans have sinned.  In order for us to survive, there needs to be an exchange of someone dying in our place.  Ransom is the center doctrine of Christianity, which we Christians express by the cross, because the cross was the means for Jesus paying the ransom for people.  He died in our place, which is symbolized by the blood He shed.  I talked about the point of the shed blood last week, and the author of Hebrews continues explaining the blood signifies there has been death.  Again, the reason blood is “cleansing” is because the death of Jesus was the only manner to pay the ransom for human beings.  Jesus’ death on the cross did bring about the forgiveness of sins for all humankind, though His ransom still must be received by a person.  A person has the choice of whether to receive Christ, or not.  Yet the author of Hebrews makes it clear that there need be no doubt that Jesus has made the forgiveness of sins possible.  The shed blood of Jesus is the seal that the ransom has been paid.

   I add that languages and linguistics are not my gifts at all.  I rely on experts in those fields when studying.  Yet I need to note here the New International Version, the NIV, which is the translation I use for my personal Bible learning, uses the word ransom, whereas many other translations use the word redemption.  You get to the same end with both words, yet I like the word ransom here, because in the culture of the United States and some other countries in this day and age, the concept of the word redemption is one where a person can redeem herself or himself.  I sometimes hear a sports announcer state how a sports player “redeemed himself.”  Whereas the concept of ransom still today is that the payment must come from someone other than the person who is held captive.

   No one has ever directly left me anything in a will, yet most people know that a will does not go into effect until a person dies.  My Grandpa Irvine passed away in January of 1988, and I went to Denver during the summer between my junior and senior year at Virginia Tech to help Grandma in the wake of her loss.  One day, she asked me to go to the library to make a copy of Grandpa’s death certificate, because she had to send that documentation to someone, I do not remember exactly who but it might have been an insurance company, to show proof that he had died.  Running that errand for Grandma turned out to be a blessing for me, since I talked with the librarians in the local library not far from Newton Street in Denver, Colorado.  Hearing about his death for the first time from me that day, the librarians proceeded to tell me that he often came to the library to get reading material, and that he was always nice to them.  They expressed their condolences about our loss of Sam.  Walking home, I felt good about getting so many compliments about my grandpa, a man I only saw once a year at most growing up in Virginia, but a man who had likewise been nice to me.  Yet it was also the only time I had in my hand a death certificate.  I did not need official proof that Grandpa was dead.  I remember well the sad call from my dad one night when I was in my dorm room.  Yet for business reasons there needed to be proof.  And that sheet of paper from the state of Colorado was the proof.  The world needs proof that God is offering them forgiveness of their sins.  The blood on the cross of Calvary is the proof.  Jesus paid the ransom; then Jesus was resurrected; then Jesus ascended into heaven.  As God the Son, He is the advocate for the redeemed being One with the Father and the Holy Spirit.  And that is why, if you believe in Jesus, you can be forgiven of your wrong doings by God, and you can have eternal life in heaven!

Hunter Irvine

   For over a decade, I have been a fan of Selah, and their debut album is one of my favorites.  The original members: Alan Hall, Todd Smith, and Nicol (Smith) Sponberg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P56eSXwGNrc