1 Peter 3:1-7

1 Peter 3:1-7 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (NIV).

   If you came to my room and dug through the boxes in my closet which contain dozens of journals which I have written in over the past fifteen years, you would find many commentaries like this one. In fact the Bible studies and journaling I have done over the past fifteen years have prepared me to do this commentary on 1 Peter. No one has ever read any of those commentaries, no one, yet God used that studying and writing to prepare me for this I Peter commentary which many people are reading. I am honored God has given me such an opportunity to share with others my writing!

   And if you started reading various journals from years past, besides finding Bible commentaries in them, you would also find my repeated prayer requests amidst the journal pages. One consistent prayer request, for long over a decade, has been the desire for a wife. Once when I was a youth pastor in Grand Junction, Colorado, I asked students to name a dream. Going around the room, each student had the opportunity to share a dream that he or she had. I went first, and I stated how my dream to be a youth pastor had come true, and that another dream which had yet to come true was that I wanted to one day be married. That was sixteen years ago. It is a dream which has not even come close to coming true in sixteen years. I learned long ago that being a writer entails being vulnerable, so I go all out and admit that even in my journal notebook of these past four months, there are prayer requests for a girlfriend with the hopes of being married. It is in God’s hands.

   So I have lived many years being “single,” but this passage is not some foreign territory for me, because I have been in a loving covenant relationship with Jesus. And being in such a loving relationship, there is a need to submit. And I have been in loving relationships with dear brothers and sisters in Christ. When you are in such a relationship, there is a need to submit. I have even babysat my friend’s two super duper children. In doing so, I am the adult whom they have to obey, yet in order to be a loving caretaker, there is the need to submit, even to young children. If you think you do not need to submit to children as a loving caretaker, you have never prepared a meal for a three and a five year old. “What’s taking you so long!!” That is a question I have heard more than once from hungry children. The reason for submission in loving relationships is that in a personal loving relationship, there is the desire to share, and sharing involves submitting.

   For example, yesterday I went shopping for a Mother’s Day present for my stepmom. I did not even gain a stepmom until I was an adult, and I live in a different state. Though I talk with my dad much, I hardly ever even talk with my stepmom. But she is my stepmom, and I love her. So yesterday, in a sense I submitted to her, and I spent a small portion of my day shopping for a Mother’s Day gift for her. It did not seem like “submission.” In fact I had a good feeling when I bought her what I thought was a cool gift. If I love someone, and I find a cool gift for them, I am happier purchasing that gift for them than I would be purchasing a cool gift for myself.

   Though many people get derailed by the language of this passage, the message of this passage is straight forward. If you are married, you need to love your spouse, even if he or she is not a follower of Jesus, and in order to love your spouse, you need to submit. Remember to apply the Biblical interpretation rules given by Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. If you did not read my blog entry on 1 Peter 2:13-17, please do. In looking at the spirit rather than the letter here, obviously submission does not mean going along with your spouse if he or she is doing something wrong.  And for a spouse being subject to abuse, there is a need to get outside help immediately!

   And for guys who are reading what Peter is saying to wives, know that the second principle of interpretation goes right alongside the first, with the second being that you need to put the passage in the proper Biblical context. Just as Abraham Lincoln had the correct interpretation by applying the Golden Rule to slavery, likewise the correct interpretation here is to apply the Golden rule to marriage. The Golden Rule: “…do to others what you would have them do to you…”(Matthew 7:12 NIV). Guys, if you think this passage is a divine license to boss around your wife, you are wrong. No sane person likes to be bossed around, so do not boss others around. Some guys would never boss around their business partner. They are a team; they negotiate; they compromise. But then they will boss around their wife. That is not being a loving partner! Yes, men are called to lead households. But neither men nor women are called to be bossy. If you want to know who is the best boss is for your marriage, the Bible exposes that answer. The best boss is God!

   I have a friend who is a great guy, and someone who is utterly devoted to Jesus. He said publically once how his marriage was rough for the first several years, because as a newlywed he committed to the model that he was supposed to be in charge, and that his wife was supposed to submit. Fortunately he learned the error of this model, he sees God as the boss of them both, he better understands his role as a leader, and his marriage now is great. If you want to have a happy marriage, whatever your gender, submit first and foremost to God, and then submit to your spouse. Being single for many years, and being the “Christian guy,” I have had the unique opportunity to see people who have marriage struggles, and they are often rooted in the same problem: selfishness. Do know that all of us need improvement on this. Love involves self-sacrifice. For the willing, God enables.
Hunter Irvine