Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home (John 19:25-27 NIV).
John recorded this statement which Jesus made from the cross. John was the ideal person to write this since John was directly involved. Yes, John was “the disciple whom [Jesus] loved.” Yet why did John single himself out with such a phrase?
We learn from the Scriptures that Jesus loves everyone. And Jesus loved all twelve apostles, even Judas Iscariot. That is the reason Jesus died for the sins of everyone. So why did John have the privilege of such a title? Did he just make that up for himself?
John was probably the youngest disciple, and Jesus apparently had a special mentoring friendship with him. I better understand this when I consider the loving friendship I have had for many years with a young man who is like my nephew. Our friendship started when he was only the age of one. Such friendships from youth are powerful relationships, since youth is such a formative time.
Now this statement raises another big question, which has two parts: Why did Jesus choose John to be an adopted son for Mary? And why did Jesus choose Mary to be an adopted mother for John?
First, Mary already had numerous children:
“Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? Aren’t all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” (Matthew 13:55-56).
Likewise:
“Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him (Mark 6:3).
Now Joseph, the husband of Mary and the earthly father of Jesus, apparently passed away before Jesus even started ministry work, for he is not mentioned at all during that time period. And I learned in my Old Testament Survey class at Colorado Christian University that the Hebrew culture was extremely patriarchal. Yet if Mary had four other sons, plus daughters who were probably married, it would make sense that one of them could take her into his or her home.
Second, John already had a mom. His mom, “the mother of Zebedee’s sons,” is told about in an important story recorded in Matthew 20:20-28. And John was young and single, more in a position to get married than to take on the responsibility of supporting an older woman.
The bottom line: I do not know for sure. Scripture does not get into such details. There are many details about the life of Jesus in this world, and the life of the twelve apostles, which we do not know. In the ancient world, writing material such as papyrus was limited. Ancient writing was more selective with details.
Yet one thing I do know regarding this arrangement: Both Mary and John were present at the crucifixion.
How many other family members of Jesus were present? We do not know, but no others were mentioned.
How many other apostles were present? We do not know, but no others were mentioned.
And Jesus foretold a short time before His arrest: “But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me” (John 16:32).
Both Mary and John shared a devotion which Jesus understood.
I add that John’s birth mom was also present at the crucifixion, as we know from Matthew 27:56. This arrangement would open up the possibility for those two devout women, Mary and John's mom, becoming like family.
And what I do know for sure: Jesus cared about his earthly mother.
From Luke 1:26 to Luke 1:38, there is a recorded story about Mary from over 33 years earlier. That Jewish virgin woman had an encounter with an angel named Gabriel. After his greeting to her, Mary had fear. She was human.
However, the encounter also showed Mary was a woman with an incredible devotion to God. She was utterly willing to be obedient to God.
Being human, and being a human who was committed to serving God, suffering did result for Mary who became the earthly mother of the Messiah. One example is that after Jesus started His ministry work, people in his own hometown of Nazareth tried to kill him, as recorded in Luke 4:28-30. That event surely brought suffering to Mary.
Yet more than anything, Mary was surely devastated being there at the crucifixion and watching her son suffer. A loving mom suffers when her child suffers.
Jesus cared! Even when He was suffering on the cross, He worked to take care of His mom. Jesus could have waited to do so after His resurrection. Instead He did so at her moment of agony.
And Jesus cared about John, His loving friend. Surely there would be blessings in store for him by taking Mary into his home.
This passage calls for us to trust Jesus that He knew this arrangement would be best for them both.
The end result: John took Mary into his home for the rest of her days in this world.
Jesus had a purpose and a reason for dying on the cross!
The purpose was to totally forgive sins.
And the reason: Jesus loves all people. Forgiveness is an aspect of love, and love was the reason He died for you, and for me, and for the sins of all people of all time. Then Jesus was resurrected!
And His true love for people remains. As I expressed in my Christmas letter of 2002, where I talked about this exact passage: “Death had not changed the love Jesus has for anyone…”
Regarding the motivation of Jesus for this unique family adoption, we can know it was love.
Hunter Irvine
Scripture Love Blog